Two Worlds

Each time I consider writing a blogpost, I usually go with what I’m feeling and thinking about at the moment. Most recently, the topics have been centred around the difficulties of living in two worlds. Here and there, home and abroad. But the pain of processing what I feel into words, then posting them only to be misunderstood and trampled has detered me from doing so more often.

Most recently the frustrations of mapping out meeting up with friends has brought me back to this topic. A friend commented, “We have a life here. You’re on vacation”. While true, it hurt alot. I know and respect that everybody I know here have lives that I no longer run in tandem with. But it hurt to be confronted with that. My place here is no longer what it used to be. Its temporary, passing and smaller than what it used to be.

You are here and I am there. You are there but I am here. We run into old schoolmates or friends and the common question is, “so where are you now?” I stand here before you, but I’m really no where at all.

Its the strangest feeling to be glad to be home yet have a sense of displacement haunt your heart. Something’s always got to give.

John 14:1-3 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ²In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. ³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

d’oh

Today Mel asks me if i wanna go ’shooting’ sometime. We’re also planning to go try muay thai soon. So thinking this was part of her new foray into violent hobbies, my immediate mental reaction was “uh we’re not yet in the US and she wants to go shoot? Heck why not..” I reply accordingly then Mel goes “Photography.” Oh, right. Looks like I’ve been in the US a little too long.
………………….

I had my 3rd last driving lesson yesterday and spent an hour in the circuit. While waiting to enter the directional change lot, I noted the driver infront of me was making a really wide reverse-right turn and was probably going to hit the curb, an immediate failure under test circumstances. Then I spotted the double L plates on the car- denoting the driver was taking the test. I sat there, horrified, watching the driver reverse into the left curb twice. My heart goes out to that driver. I really hope and pray that doesn’t happen on Monday!

Oops

So much for posting more. Well, June has been really busy thus far and composing my thoughts into words really isn’t one of my strengths. Here’s something that made me melt:

Home & Love

Well I’ve been back 3 weeks and I have too many thoughts to condense right now.

Wrote a rather long post at TCF’s blog, so go read it there if you want. I wrote about coming home and it essentially covers most of my thoughts and feelings since returning.I really miss the TCFers.

I realized that college is the first time since I start taking my faith seriously that I’m in a fellowship with people who are at the same lifestage as I am. I love GEFC, its home and its my second family, but I’ve always been the odd one out there. I know some of them read this blog but I’m not sure how many are aware of how hard it gets. I don’t really want to harp on it because it isn’t the end-all-be-all of my experience at GEFC or representative of our fellowship there. But yeah I’ve been swimming against the tide for a while and like I shared at the last church camp with the rest of the MDz, its by God’s grace that I’m still at GEFC. I’ve contemplated leaving many times, even recently, but I realised that I can’t go and that its a choice I’ve made to stay.

The body of Christ is imperfect though we are made in the image of the perfect God. Look at all of us – Christian or not, aren’t we all imperfect? In school we’ve always tended to chose to befriend those we like or who are like us. But think about it true love doesn’t chose or give preference to some and ignore others. The Lord didn’t and doesn’t do that. We’re loved all the same and saved all the same, by the very blood of His Son.

While I strive to emulate this love, its been a struggle to stay and remember Christ’s example.

If you think about it, its like family. You didn’t pick your brother or mother. They’re rarely and hardly the kind of people you would hang out with socially but you love them the same. Its our decision to love and stick by them. Even in a relationship, love is a choice you make.

I’ll stop my ramble here and hope to post more frequently.

Home

Hello, i’m home!

Since I finished my term paper, the thought of home seemed rather remote. 2 days later on friday, the reality of returning home dawned upon me. I was walking up and down the hill turning in my term paper and returning the mountain of books I checked out of the library for it. It was a beautiful day, the most beautiful after a week of cloudy days. The sky was a bright blue, more trees decided to blossom and the campus was emptier, as the first waves of people moved out for the summer. I basked in the sun after turning in that dreaded paper. Everything felt like it was God’s reward to me for weathering out the storm of this past semester. I know I haven’t written much and I don’t know who still reads this. But its been a hard one I tell you, a crazy load of work I am so relieved to be done with. At that moment, walking down the library steps towards my dorm for a day of more packing, going home felt like such a reward yet a part of me was so sad to leave. It hasn’t hit me yet, but I’m going to be apart from the friends and community I’ve made at Tufts for the next 3/4 months. I already miss them.

I write this in the comfort of my own room, with the aircon on as I try to escape the humidity, after seeing my beloved cousins and grandma. I slept rather well on the flight back. There was an empty seat between me and my Dad so I stretched out and slept for almost 8 hours, the best and most sound sleep I’ve ever got on a long-haul flight. The sense of being home is so great, so wonderful. I managed to catch my sister before she left for school this morning at 7:20am, she drew a welcome home poster and stuck it to my door. She can be such a sweetie, if she wants to. There was a bouquet of beautiful flowers and a note from my “not-so-secret admirer” on my desk. I was legitimately confused for a moment and opened the card, then i realised it was from Ali. *DUH*

I’m off to meet Becca now, the first of catchups with dear friends Mel if you’re reading this, get back to studying Japanese History! Its good to be home

Oh also, the thought of home makes me think of this song. National Day songs are always cheesy but seriously, this one hits the spot.

Miss You More

“Miss You More”

There are so many reasons that I find to run to you
Cos there’s so little loving in my life, now I am wawy
And thinking about it I want things back how they used to be
There is no way round it, nothing good comes easily
So much between us and we both know that it’s wrong
So I keep on waiting till I am back where I belong

So here I am all by myself thinking of you nobody else
There is a feeling inside and as hard as I try it just won’t go away
Are you finding it hard it all on your own
Having to face each night alone
Knowing that you are the one with the love that I need
And I miss you more each day

So many feelings emotions running away with me
Cos it’s you I believe in and I love this one so deep
So much between us and we both know that it’s wrong
Now I keep on waiting till I am back where I belong
Back where I belong

So I keep on waiting till I am back where I belong
Back where I belong

So I never thought this teenybopper song from when Hester left would ever come back and make even more sense in my life than it did before.
When it comes down to it, there’s no denying that I miss home. Its been a good semester but I’m ready to be home. Just over a month’s time

Roadtrip

I’m off to New Orleans for the week to help rebuild what Katrina left behind, specifically going to be in the Plaquemines Parrish south of the city.

The picture shows my bus route. Its going to be a good 27 +.

I’ll be back Sunday. Please pray for safety, strength and rest.

All my lovin’ I will send to you, all my lovin’ – Darling I’ll be true.

The Way

I feel so completely lost about majors and my future but yet I feel like I know where I’m going.

What I don’t know is much more than what I do know, yet certainty underscores how I feel right now.

Things haven’t been going the way I hoped, but I am sure that they’re meant to be exactly the way they are now.

Please let this be faith.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Aha!

In the midst of my research for a Family Research Essay, I have found the answer to “Why Must We Serve?”
“All-girl teams in cherry pink caps and apple green uniforms today brought colour and novelty to the registratin of the first batches of some 9,000 Singapore teenagers who have been called up to do National Service to strengthen the Republic’s military and other security organisations” – The Straits Times, 29 March 1967

Caught in the moment

Caught in the moment

Originally uploaded by ohzdils

I went to church on Sunday with a heavy heart and alot on my mind. I prayed throughout the service in my heart and mind.
My feelings were mixed, I felt lost and lonely. I wanted home and a part of home with me. By the end of the service I felt the assurance and peace that God is with me always.
During the sermon I thought I heard the squeaking of a marker behind me and figured there was a child colouring. At the end of service I turned around to see a little boy with his family. He had a name tag (as everyone else, its a church practice), written on it – in the handwriting of a young boy – was his name “Timmy”. I smiled and my heart warmed as I thought of my Timmy at home.